Undercover 哥们儿: Alternative Bio

UG once dreamt that he was a superhero, like the Silver Surfer. This is how his bio would read on the Marvel Comics Website if he were a superhero:

One of the noblest and most tormented cosmic entities in the universe, Undercover Gemenr treasures freedom above all else, but has often sacrificed his liberty for the greater good. He was born Jackie Chan on the planet Killer Meteors, part of an extremely short-lived and technologically backwards humanoid race which had created a worldwide utopia devoid of crime, disease, hunger, poverty, and want of any kind. Jackie Chan's mother Mrs. Chan, ill-suited to this stifling environment, eventually killed herself. Urged on by his atypically ambitious father Mr. Chan, Jackie was raised as a grimly intellectual youth – brilliant in comparison to his other special ed classmates, encouraged to seek knowledge, advancement, and achievement rather than the aimless hedonism which had come to dominate Killer Meteoran society (which he now painfully regrets). However, a disgraced Mr. Chan would later commit suicide himself after he was accused of idea theft (though not before he had taken a new lover and fathered another son, Jacky Chan, unknown to Jackie). Despite his lifelong love, Maggie Cheung, Jackie grew into a restless soul who longed for challenge and struggle, immersing himself in pencil sharpening.

Quick Fact Sheet:

Real Name
Jackie Chan

Aliases
Undercover Gemenr, Four Eyes, Goody Two Shoes

Identity
True identity unknown to most of Earth

Occupation
Undercover adventurer and explorer; former would-be world conqueror, Earthbound adventurer, scholar; sometimes mistakenly regarded as a messianic figure. Wrote the scholarly treatise: “Why I am mistakenly regarded as a messianic figure, when I actually am a messianic figure – the grief of being misunderstood.”

Citizenship
Killer Meteor

Place of Birth
Planet Killer Meteor, 5 Lucky Stars System, Milky Way Galaxy

Group Affiliation
CAA , Shriners, Oprah’s Book Club

Education
Tutored in the nature of the birds and the bees by Late Great Movies on City TV; self-taught in various areas, especially pencil sharpening, and absorbed much Killer Meteoran knowledge from "hypno-powered study cubes"

Height
4'10"

Weight
225 lbs.

Hair
Bald with a long queue, like Dr. Que:

Powers

UG wields "the power cosmic", absorbing and manipulating the universe's ambient cosmic energies. He can augment his strength to incalculable levels, and is almost totally indestructible, except when he has to take a whiz. He can navigate his way around any city without a map. He can walk backwards blindfolded. He can type 10 words per minute using only his thumbs. UG does not require food, drink, air or sleep.

Arch-Enemy:

This Man:

If you see him, please notify UG immediately.

First Appearance
Undercover Gemenr #1 (2007)

Origin
Undercover Gemenr #1 (2007)